Saturday, 17 June 2017

Shit-house blues; pest infesting craft brewing scene


In this blog I've reviewed several quite miserable products, non-beers, and affiliated manufacturers which I call rather shitteries than breweries. Some of these very unfortunate cases exhibiting serious and disgraceful underestimation and disrespect of the consumer on the whole have occurred quite recently.

Fortunately, these shit-houses just can't live long and are doomed to go bust in a short time. Before doing so, however, they'll have time enough to smear the reputation of the good breweries and the trade on the whole, in particular, when it comes comes to the mass of potential consumers. Very unfortunate here is that the damage done remains long after the scoundrels are gone.

Refer also to: http://strasselberg.blogspot.fi/2017/03/good-beers-bad-beers-breweries.html
and: http://strasselberg.blogspot.fi/2017/02/jaatynytta-oksennusta-craftkaljaa-ja.html



Thursday, 15 June 2017

Linden American Pale Ale


Semihazy beer, 4,7% ABV. Hops used are Magnum for bittering and Mosaic for aroma.

Unlike the two rubbishy non-beers below, this one is a textbook example of an excellent, well-crafted beer in general; staggeringly crisp and fruity ale, absolutely free from off-flavors.

Furthermore, to be concise, Linden APA is one of the best within its style I have run into, for a long time over here. The preservation of the beautiful Mosaic fragrance galore in the bottle is phenomenal. Aftertaste is florally hoppy with a plenty of long-lingering pleasant type of bitterness. Good recipe, good ingredients, culture & good craftsmanship come up with good beer, that's simply the way it is.

Elevating the ABV of this brew to the range of anything between 5,2-5,6% ABV would probably promote this one to the world-class of its style.


Honkavuoren 347 IPA by Panimo Honkavuori


Semiclear, 4,5% ABV, Oh, boy! 

When it comes to decent beer, either lager or ale, in general, the first and foremost requirement in universal concord, obviously is crispness, freshness. Furthermore, ales in particular, are usually more or less fruity due to higher amounts of fermentation aromas alone; aroma hopping is applied to impart the desired quality & quantity of hop-originated fragrance and fruitiness atop...

IPA is supposed to be fresh and amply fruity ale by fermentation alone, furthermore generously hopped, heftily and fragrantly aroma hopped in particular...

347 IPA has absolutely no fruitiness, no freshness, not a trace of hoppiness. Instead, we have got the same horrible stale cardboardy-oxidized stench as had the foregoing "Iloliemi" Pils. It begins to seem as if this were the house flavor of Honkavuori, no matter which beer or which style whatsoever. Futile rubbish & non-beer again, definitely catastrophic failure as an IPA!

The brewery spokesman says in the paper Helsingin Sanomat that their beers are made to be easy to drink. Again, I take the liberty to disagree; yuck!, certainly got the toilet treatment.






Iloliemi, Ilosaarirockin Luomupils by Panimo Honkavuori


Semiclear stuff, 4,5% ABV. Repulsively stale, cardboardy-worty-oxidized aroma. Where the hell is the crispness required of any lager, pale or dark, or even the slightest hop character, the quintessence of any beer daring to call itself a Pils(-ner)!?

The label proclaims this liquid to be strongly hopped, furthermore, to have been brewed by able hands! I, however, take the liberty to disagree, strongly, on both points.

I'm sad to say this, but "Iloliemi" lacks all the attributes of decent beer, either lager or ale on the whole, Pils(-ner) let alone as a style!!! The sole positive thing I'm able to find here is that this produce is, unlike many others turned out by the ongoing craft brewing boom in our backwoods, quite obviously free from microbial contamination!

Futile rubbish on the whole, a typical non-beer extruded upon us, consumers, in increasing amounts by the ongoing boom of craft shitteries. Certainly got the toilet treatment.


Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Summer is at hand, so is swindle! Amber Ale, Pirkan Parhaat [!!!] by Saimaan Juomatehdas


Muddy stuff, 4,7%. Brewery declares on the can, as usual, a fine bunch of super-fragrant hops: Columbus, Cascade, Citra, Chinook, Mosaic. Upon opening, however, instead of the fragrant hoppiness one might expect, we get a glass of terrible, stale-cardboardy rubbish; damned swindle!

What is most amazing here, is the skill with which the brewery pigheadedly turns fine ingredients declared on the outer of the can into miserable & undrinkable crap inside, consistently from year to year, summer to summer, all over again!


If I were the CEO of the brewery in question, I certainly would have flushed myself down the same toilet together with the produce.








Friday, 26 May 2017

Honkavuoren Valo, Vehnäolut


Hazy, self-proclaimed Wheat Beer, 4,5% ABV. Aroma is clean but hopelessly impotent. Taste is disagreeably thick-syrupy. In the blogger's notion this stuff is a stuck fermentation rather than beer, i.e. closer to bottled wort. Hence elevating the degree of fermentation here could well come up with decent Wheat Beer...


What a day! One drinkable out of four; telltale score revealing the miserable level of culture and craftsmanship of the ongoing craft brewing boom in our northern backwoods.

Suomi Neito, Golden Ale


Yeasty-hazy, watery stuff, 4,7% ABV. Lacking absolutely all the attributes of decent beer; It would probably be absurd to cite any list here. Calling this futile rubbish Golden Ale, or furthermore beer, causes the blogger's blood pressure to rocket up to ionospheric levels. Certainly this liquid is fermented wort, surprisingly, free of microbial contamination [!], and, character; just one more non-beer, I'm sad to say so.


Kaski, Kylmäsavulager


Semiclear stuff, 4,6% ABV. Repugnantly moldy stench right upon pouring transforms into stale and dubiously phony smokiness. Terrible echo again from the chamber of craft beer horrors of the 1990's.

Can't figure out how and why this non-beer has been released in the first place. Could it be blatantly either the lack of culture, wit or judgement alone or furthermore some combination of those constituents of the pretty little thing we call craftsmanship...


Sonnisaari Pils, Dry Hopped


Semiclear beer, 4,7% ABV, hops used are Magnum and Hallertauer Mittelfrüh. Has immaculately clean and appetizingly fresh,teasingly thirst-arousing aroma exactly in the textbook manner any genuine Pilsner simply has got to bear; absolutely no more futile trash talk required.

Taste honestly and flawlessly fulfills the aforementioned expectations with long-lingering delicious bitterness. I, the blogger, as an inveterate Pilsner-fanatic, certainly wouldn't mind an increase of a few more EBUs; furthermore, elevating the ABV to the range anything between 5,2% & 5,5% would quite obviously promote this brew to the world class of its style, the most challenging and uncompromising one among all beers.

Definitely a telltale proof of high-level craftsmanship and overall command of the brewing process.


Friday, 28 April 2017

Spring is supposed to be on!


Strasselberg himself takes the liberty of wishing hilarious May the 1st to all hardworking beer makers & beer drinkers!

Tuesday, 11 April 2017

Perhon Rohkea by The Perho Culinary College


Semiclear, unfiltered beer, 4,7% ABV, having clean and briskly fruity aroma, the product of fermentation done by some British style ale yeast. This Amber Ale certainly isn't meant to be a hop bomb; obviously, primarily bittering hops have been used, which is most welcome choice and line these days of the overwhelming aftershaveishly fragrant prevalence of American and Pacific hops.

Perhon Rohkea is a full-bodied Amber Ale characterized by, aside from its gentle fruitiness of fermentation origin, chocolaty maltiness counterpoised by moderate hop bitterness suiting well to wide range of beer drinkers and food.

This beer has become a classic having been brewed at the same locality over 20 years now the recipe unchanged. The brewery is a waistcoat pocket-sized educational one with the lilliputian batch size of 120 liters housed by The Perho Culinary College, in Helsinki; the place where the most of the Finnish top chefs de cuisine originate from. All the beer turned out by own brewery is quite naturally consumed by the guests of the popular educational restaurant The Perho located at the premises.